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My mother, who has Alzheimer's, lives with my father. They are both 84. I want my parents to move in with me to ease the load off of my father. My mother is insistent that she doesn't want to leave her house. I am not sure what the right thing to do is.

Answered by David Troxel

January 27, 2014

My mother, who has Alzheimer’s, lives with my father. They are both 84. I want my parents to move in with me to ease the load off of my father. My mother is insistent that she doesn’t want to leave her house. I am not sure what the right thing to do is.

It’s very common for your individuals like your parents to want to maintain their independence as long as possible. How about inviting them for a visit and try to make it an extended one! Sometimes once they arrive and get settled in they realize that being with family and in a safe environment has many benefits.

You haven’t said much about your own circumstances but I always worry when adult children want mom and dad to move in. Are you prepared for what can be a physically and emotionally tough situation? Have you identified some local resources that can help with mom, such as an adult day center? What impact will this decision have on your own work or family life?

Be sure to think these things through before making such a big move.

If you are able to get them to stay with you, don’t wait and wait to use services. Consider hiring some in-home help. Even part time support will give you some breathing room. You may also want to at least look at some assisted living communities near you—there may come a time when this option will be best for your mom, and for the family.

Thank you for your dedication to your parents and good luck with your decision making process.

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