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How can I make it more practical to visit my mother in her assisted living facility?

Answered by David Troxel

November 6, 2014

My nearly 93-year-old mother is in moderate stage of dementia. We just recently moved her into an assisted living facility which currently does not allow any family member to stay overnight with her. This will cause a hardship for me to spend any significant amount of quality time with her as she lives 80 miles from me. I am on a fixed disability income and it is cost prohibitive for me to get a hotel room once a month near her. I am the only family member willing to take her out shopping or looking for things even as simple as make-up. Her only mobility issue is use of a walker. Do you have any suggestions as to how I might approach this institution (a CCRC) where she has been for 16 yes to amend their policy?

I do know of some continuing care retirement communities (CCRCs) that will allow a family member to spend a night with the resident but as you said, policies vary. Your best bet is to make an appointment with the retirement community’s Executive Director and ask for some assistance. (Many CCRCs also have chaplains—he or she might be a good place to start and become an advocate for you.) If they won’t amend their policy, perhaps they could get creative, offering you a discounted rate if they have a room they rent out for visitors.

I hope that the CCRC embraces you as part of their community and helps you find a solution.

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