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Expert Blog

Shopping for 3

November 20, 2015

You know what isn’t fun? Shopping for 3. Shopping for a family of three when you have been and still are a family of 4.

Grocery shopping is different now and somehow it is another reason to be sad.

Another reminder of our previous life and a slap across the face with a wake up call to the new life we are living. No need to buy those large boxes of Raisin Bran anymore. No need to get the extra fruit that Jim would munch on all day. No need to buy enough for another adult eating with us.

Shopping now takes on a whole new light. Walking through ANY store that carries men stuff just sucks. No need to look at those nice blazers or those snazzy pants. Jim is doing just fine in the comfortable sweats I gobbled up recently. No reason to even bother browsing through to find that shirt that will match his beautiful eyes. He has plenty of clothes and the only things I will be buying for him are more sweats, t-shirts and pajamas.

Maybe some new slippers and socks.

This puts a hollowness into my chest. Not pain, just sadness of moving into a new place. A new pattern. My routine has been the same for so long, it is difficult to simply change gears. I still automatically look longingly at the nice threads in the department store but I have to go from the subconscious habit into the conscious awareness. I long to be able to hold up a new shirt or sweater and envision him in it and me holding him while he is in it. I long to wrap a new gift and surprise him with a new tool or gadget to play with.

No more. He is not interested and unable to enjoy even the simplest puzzles.

Dealing with the emotional loss of a loved one covers so many different aspects. It is amazing how engrained they are in even the most routine and simplest aspects of your life and the longing that follows you everywhere is immeasurable.

Thoughts and stories from others

  1. November 24, 2015 at 10:56 am
    Posted by Dorothy McGaha

    Thank you for putting my thoughts into words. Buying sweats for a man who didn't wear them. Asking nursing home staff to see that his clothes match. Thinking of our 49th anniversary the week before Christmas. I will just be glad that he is here.
  2. November 23, 2015 at 12:26 pm
    Posted by Laurie Davis

    All I want for Christmas is half a day once a month from our son who is so very busy with his family and work - his dad is family too - I understand everyone has their own reactions & denial. 24/7 caregiving is the joy of my life and the most painful experience imaginable - our love endures and will throughout this journey.
  3. November 23, 2015 at 11:49 am
    Posted by Eleanor Kooper

    I am there now. My heart breaks reading your post. I've just purchased pull up pants to help make things easier. Just helped him flush, because he forgot how. Spent a good deal of the night trying to get him back into bed. Scared of what's next? But, get through each day by being as positive as possible.

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