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Alzheimer's Conversation Tips

Most days Mom just sat in her armchair in front of the TV with a glazed look in her eyes. I tried to perk her up by talking about what was on the news or what I was cooking for dinner, but she didn’t seem interested. With her Alzheimer’s, I’m not even sure she understood what I was saying.

One day, a commercial came on for engagement rings, and I casually asked her, “Mom, do you remember when Dad proposed to you?” Suddenly her eyes lit up, as if I had unlocked a long-forgotten memory that brought her great joy. She proceeded to tell me the proposal story in great detail, which was more than I had heard her talk in weeks. I discovered Mom retained many vivid recollections of her past, and she seemed delighted to tell me her stories. All I had to do was ask a good question.

Asking questions can spark a meaningful conversation full of special memories. Someone living with Alzheimer’s disease or other dementias will particularly appreciate the opportunity to pass on personal history and wisdom before it’s too late.

When you begin a conversation, prompt the person with dementia to elaborate by asking open-ended questions and then listen patiently. Here are some questions you might ask:

  • What chores did you have to do when you were growing up?
  • When you were a teenager, what did you and your friends do for fun?
  • What are some of the most valuable things you learned from your parents?
  • What did your grandparents and great grandparents do for a living?
  • When you were growing up, what did you dream you would do with your life?
  • What accomplishments in your life are you most proud of?
  • What are some of the things you are most grateful for?
  • What was the happiest moment of your life?
  • How would you like to be remembered?

You can use these questions as conversation starters at mealtimes, while completing daily activities together, or at a family gathering. Work up to the deeper questions like “How would you like to be remembered?” and follow up with related questions to keep the conversation going. If your family member with dementia gets confused, frustrated or upset by your questions, change the subject. You can always rephrase the question and try asking it again at another time.

By asking good questions, you’re inviting your family member with dementia to share important life experiences that you can continue to remember and cherish even when that person no longer can. You’ll not only enrich your loved one’s life during the moments those memories are shared, but you’ll be able to preserve the memories until it’s time to pass them along to the next generation.

You can find additional memory-evoking question ideas at and great conversation starters for mealtimes at

Thoughts and stories from others

  1. June 8, 2015 at 02:23 pm
    Posted by Carolyn Rollins

    In response to Don't take no for an answer. My Mom is 91 yrs of age, had a stroke two yrs ago which left her with no use of her right side, dementia, early onset Alzheimer's. I am 65 and the middle sibling. When Mom came home all three of us agreed to share in her care. This never happened. I had to take my retirement to be able to love Mom in with me. I ask for help, relief, time to get groceries, and they both say NO. You can't make them help if they don't want to.
  2. February 3, 2015 at 06:24 am
    Posted by Izzy

    My mom asked "where is Pap". This was her dad and I didn't know what to say? I said he has gone to heaven, mom seemed to question " when did he die? I think 1959. The conversation stoped what should I have said?
  3. December 13, 2014 at 06:53 pm
    Posted by Gilda Lambour

    My mother want's to talk with her mother who died. Like 25 years ago, do I go along and tell her that she is sleeping, or do I explain that she died. Thank you
  4. April 23, 2014 at 09:56 pm
    Posted by Debbie

    What a great site! I used some of your questions to create a "Memory Book" for a family member who is suffering. I got great feedback from several family members who read her comments! I also included some family photos with the names on the back. You really helped reach out to another person who is suffering from this insidious disease! Thank you
  5. November 5, 2013 at 08:46 pm
    Posted by Roxy

    Don't give your siblings any option to not help. YOU NEED IT!! Tell them they HAVE to help! If they have work issues, tell them there is Family and Medical Leave - it's required! If all else fails, get some respite.

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In this video, CAREGiver Sara Maquiss shares how tools like Home Instead Senior Care's Life Journal can be used to capture memories and help her keep the past alive for a person with Alzheimer's.

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