My mom has dementia, and I have been taking care of her. I live on one side of her and my brother live on the other. Someday she is really bad with her dementia and other day she is not that bad. How will I know that she needs someone with her all the time? On her bad days I don’t want to leave her.
You are absolutely correct to observe that persons with dementia, like your mom, have good and bad days. A bad day can be triggered if she is stressed or sick but her ups and downs can be hard to predict.
Your best bet is to plan for the worst case scenario and provide as much supervision as possible. I understand that you and your brother are regularly present but is there an adult day program nearby that can help you provide her with some daily structure? Can you set up a schedule where an in-home worker is helping, let’s say three days a week (even part time) to allow you and your brother some time to work, run errands or have some fun with friends?
We know that dementia is progressive and her needs will grow over time. Go ahead and take one of those good days to make your own game plan for the future and identify important local resources that can help.