Capturing Memories for Someone with Alzheimer's

Kelsey - Home Instead: We’ll be beginning the chat at 12 pm EST.

Kelsey - Home Instead: You can start submitting your questions at any time.

Kelsey - Home Instead: 5 random attendees will win a free Caregiver Package. Those winners will be notified by email *after* the chat.

Cat K. - Home Instead: Hi, this is Cat Koehler from Home Instead.

Cat K. - Home Instead: This chat is brought to you by Home Instead, a family network of locally owned franchise offices striving to be your trusted in-home care agency, to help keep your aging loved ones in their home as they grow older.

Cat K. - Home Instead: Our expert for today’s chat, Laurie Owen, is an expert in Alzheimer’s training for caregivers. She is responsible for training professional caregivers for over 600 national home care franchises in North America, with over 60,000 total caregivers.

Cat K. - Home Instead: We’ll jump start our conversation with a video about capturing memories as a technique in Alzheimer’s care.

Cat K. - Home Instead: Make sure to enable sound on your computer.

Cat K. - Home Instead: Here is the video. It’s about 2-1/2 minutes long.

Cat K. - Home Instead: Hopefully, everyone has had a chance to watch the video.

Cat K. - Home Instead: We’ve received a lot of questions so far! Thanks and keep them coming.

Cat K. - Home Instead: Our first question is from Amy.

Laurie Owen-Home Instead: Hi Amy,
Holidays can be a confusing time for people. One idea to help calm a person with Alzheimer’s during the holidays is to focus on traditions that they may remember from their past.

Laurie Owen-Home Instead: Another idea is to really consider what activities the person is involved in. Large groups might be too much for that person.

Laurie Owen-Home Instead: Ask that person to share stories of their favorite Christmas or other holiday traditions.

Cat K. - Home Instead: Great ideas. I hope those help!

Cat K. - Home Instead: We have a question that was emailed to us from Jackie.

Cat K. - Home Instead: "I take care of my 94 year old mother-in-law 84 hours a week. Lately she is having more "episodes." “Is there anybody here,” “where is my Ray” (deceased husband), bugs on wall, people that aren't there, etc. This seems to occur 11pm and can last 24 to 48 hours. She doesn't sleep, non-stop talking and nasty sometimes. She’s on Exelon patch, Seroquil and Buspar. HELP ME PLEASE. I don't know what to do with her. Thank you."

Laurie Owen-Home Instead: Jackie, you are not alone in what probably feels like a desperate attempt to find a solution to the problems you are facing with your mother in law.

Laurie Owen-Home Instead: It sounds like there are a lot of things at play with the variety of medications your mother is on. I’m not a medical doctor, but I do know that sometimes different combinations of medications can be the cause of hallucinations, so it’s probably worth a conversation with her doctor to share your concerns.

Laurie Owen-Home Instead: You may also be able to use memories from her past that you are familiar with to redirect some of her questions, or use familiar distractions such as favorite music or looking at old photos.

Cat K. - Home Instead: Thanks for those suggestions, Laurie. Good luck, Jackie!

Cat K. - Home Instead: Our next question is from Paula. She has a question I think many of us have.

Laurie Owen-Home Instead: Hi Paula,
If you believe it will upset your mother to show her pictures of her home she loved so much I would recommend you do not show it to her. Instead, ask her to tell you stories about her childhood or other memories that she can remember.

Laurie Owen-Home Instead: Talking about things that she can remember might help bring more memories to the surface.

Laurie Owen-Home Instead: Depending on your Mother’s level of memory loss talking about things she can’t remember may make her sad and depressed.

Cat K. - Home Instead: We have a lot of questions coming in! We have one from Liba.

Cat K. - Home Instead: My Dad has dementia and after Mom died over 8 months ago, he has been in a care home as decided by my 3 sisters and myself (after they convinced me since he wanders at night and smokes). Initially I told him Mom passed away but he continued to ask repeatedly and I couldn't bear to see his grief relived time after time on my visits so we discussed it and decided to tell him she is in hospital sleeping, with a broken hip and pneumonia. I am struggling with this and need some advice. They were married for 65 years and he asks about her all the time. I am gentle, patient and try to bring joy to our visits but feel I am giving him false hope. What should I do?

Laurie Owen-Home Instead: Thanks for your question, Liba. Guilt over these types of issues is a common thing for people in situations like yours. But, please–do not beat yourself up over this issue.

Laurie Owen-Home Instead: First, you will need to gauge your father’s ability to remember. If your father does not remember what you share about your mother from visit to visit, you may be able to use a memory or a story about your mother to explain your her absence in a way that satisfies his curiosity, but yet does not upset him. I know it is hard not to think of this approach like lying, but your father’s reality is much different from yours. If you can try to understand his reality first, perhaps it will help you let go of the guilt you feel from not telling him the cold, hard truth. It may be what’s necessary to bring him comfort.

Cat K. - Home Instead: Liba, I hope you can use these tips to help!

Cat K. - Home Instead: We have a question from a chat guest.

Laurie Owen-Home Instead: Music can be very helpful, especially to help calm a person down. Activities that stimulate the five senses can bring joy to a person with Alzheimer’s disease.

Cat K. - Home Instead: Music can be great! Let's take another question.

Cat K. - Home Instead: We have a question from Gail:

Cat K. - Home Instead: My mom and mother-in-law are both in different stages of dementia. They love to get together and gab, but one usually upsets the other by saying something stupid. My mom always gets on a kick that my mother-in-law does not like her, and becomes angry if I tell her it’s not true. How can I handle the situation better?

Laurie Owen-Home Instead: Sorry Gail, when you notice that the conversation is getting tense, try a redirection technique, perhaps by bringing up a happy memory that they have in common. Maybe it’s when you and your husband got married, or a time when the family was together for the holidays.

Laurie Owen-Home Instead: Taking a trip down memory lane together could bring comfort to both your mom and your mother-in-law, and hopefully get them back to chatting about things they have in common.

Laurie Owen-Home Instead: In a lot of cases someone with Alzheimer’s disease can benefit from being around children. I would suggest you talk to that child to educate them about Alzheimer’s disease using age appropriate terms.

Laurie Owen-Home Instead: Be flexible with the situation. There are some situations they may work better, for example, doing arts and crafts might be a great option while cooking might not be the best idea.

Cat K. - Home Instead: Caregiving and flexibility are key! Let's take Alta's question that she emailed us earlier this week.

Cat K. - Home Instead: "How can I encourage my parent to answer such questions as "how do you feel" or "what do you want?"
The parent always says "fine" or "I don't want anything" or "I don't care" - when I know my parent has wishes?"

Laurie Owen-Home Instead: Alta, I know it can be hard to be patient when you ask questions, and don’t get the kinds of answers you expect. But rather than putting them on the spot and asking them to explain complex feelings or to answer an open-ended question, try giving them choices. “Would you like to take your bath now, or after dinner?” and “Would you like soup or chicken for dinner?”

Laurie Owen-Home Instead: This approach can give them a sense of independence and also make it easier to accomplish your goal (i.e., getting them to eat or bathe).

Laurie Owen-Home Instead: You can also ask simple questions that only require a yes or a no.

Cat K. - Home Instead: Great ideas, Laurie!

Cat K. - Home Instead: Next we have a question from Susan. I know many caregivers have had this same question.

Laurie Owen-Home Instead: I encourage keeping a person with Alzheimer’s disease active and continue to do what they have done in the past. Next time he wants to go to breakfast, you or another person could help by being his “buffer”.

Laurie Owen-Home Instead: Before your father can feel embarrassed, say the name of the person who is greeting him.

Laurie Owen-Home Instead: I suggest taking your father to a golf course or even a driving range to watch the other golfers. Sometimes just being around the environment they used to love so much can be comforting. Same would work for the bowling alley.

Cat K. - Home Instead: I hope those suggestios help!

Cat K. - Home Instead: We have a question from Melissa that came into our email box.

Cat K. - Home Instead: I wanted to know if photo albums really do help people with Alzheimer’s? And if so, how?

Laurie Owen-Home Instead: Photo albums are just one way to capture and preserve the memories of someone with Alzhiemer’s, and oftentimes they are a great way to reminisce. Photos help generate a feeling of familiarity and comfort.

Laurie Owen-Home Instead: Invite other family members to look at old photos with the two of you. The person may not recognize everything, so if they start to get confused or embarrassed, just move on.

Laurie Owen-Home Instead: If you find a few photos that seem to ignite conversation and bring positive feelings to a person with Alzheimer’s, keep those handy to look at often with them.

Cat K. - Home Instead: Photo albums are great!

Cat K. - Home Instead: Next, Keith has a question about his mother.

Laurie Owen-Home Instead: Hi Keith
You may never be able to break that cycle of her mentioning things without prior context; however, trying to redirect her to a different topic may be worth trying. Finding out why she is focused on the clothes – perhaps she liked to shop in the past or look for outfits in a catalog – may help how you work with her.

Laurie Owen-Home Instead: Instead of taking her to the church that doesn’t have clothes, try taking her to a church that does have clothes for her to look through. Or even finding catalogs of clothes that she can page through might be helpful.

Cat K. - Home Instead: That is frustrating, Keith. Good luck!

Cat K. - Home Instead: While we’re waiting for Laurie Owen to answer some questions, we’ll post a small poll.

Cat K. - Home Instead: A few more seconds to vote...

Cat K. - Home Instead: Thank you for sharing with us. Everyone here understands what a difficult journey this can be.

Cat K. - Home Instead: We’ll continue with our next question from Patty.

Cat K. - Home Instead: Great question, Patty! I think Laurie has some ideas.

Laurie Owen-Home Instead: Hi Patty,
If your mother believes someone is alive, but isn’t, there are a couple of ideas to consider. First, does she get upset or agitated when you tell her that person is deceased. If yes, then I would recommend not telling her that the person is gone.

Laurie Owen-Home Instead: Second, try asking her to tell you stories about that person trying to focus on the memories your mother has of that loved one.

Laurie Owen-Home Instead: And finally, depending on her level of memory loss, you could try to redirect her to a different topic.

Cat K. - Home Instead: Thanks, Laurie! That is a tough situation.

Cat K. - Home Instead: We have received a couple of questions about RENACENZ. We are not medical doctors and can't give advice on products and medication. Please see your loved one's doctor about any new medication or treatment.

Cat K. - Home Instead: Let's take a question from Mary Jo.

Cat K. - Home Instead: I am concerned about what I can do with her that would bring a smile to her face and make her comfortable? What are your suggestions?

Laurie Owen-Home Instead: Mary Jo, what you describe is a concern that many caregivers experience.

Laurie Owen-Home Instead: Try to find something that she cherished when she was younger. A musician, board game, meal she loved to cook, etc. Reminding her of things she loved will help to bring about feelings of comfort and happiness.

Laurie Owen-Home Instead: Don’t be frustrated if it takes you awhile to figure out which memories connect with her–she may not remember everything you think will connect with her, but with patience you will eventually find some things.

Cat K. - Home Instead: Thanks for your question, Mary Jo!

Cat K. - Home Instead: Maridon has a questions that may help many caregivers.

Laurie Owen-Home Instead: Maridon,
One symptom of dementia is a change in personality. A person who did not enjoy children or music in the past may find pleasure in it now. If this is something you are considering I would suggest staying flexible and trying it out. It may work or may not work but if it does work it may make a big difference.

Cat K. - Home Instead: Thanks, Laurie. I hope that helps, Maridon.

Cat K. - Home Instead: Our next question is from a live chat guest about the upcoming holidays.

Laurie Owen-Home Instead: The days after the holidays can be confusing also. Staying in a routine during and after is very important.

Cat K. - Home Instead: We have another holiday question coming up.

Cat K. - Home Instead: I'm so glad you are thinking of this now, Rich!

Cat K. - Home Instead: While we're waiting, I wanted to share a tip we had come in.

Cat K. - Home Instead: Great idea! Home Instead uses the Life Journal for this purpose.

Laurie Owen-Home Instead: Hi Rich Kenny,
You’re right. Changing the room layout may be confusing. Perhaps you keep the decorations to a minimum in their house. One idea is to take your loved one on a drive to admire other decorations.

Laurie Owen-Home Instead: However, each person is different. Holiday decorations may bring back memories of their childhood and offer comfort.

Cat K. - Home Instead: Unfortunately, Susie had to leave due to an emergency. We will keep her in our thoughts. Here is her question:

Cat K. - Home Instead: "How do you deal with a difficult family member who tries to control the dementia patient and not work with them?"

Cat K. - Home Instead: Gino has a suggestion:

Laurie Owen-Home Instead: Susie - I hope everything is okay with your mother. That can definitely be tough, especially considering family dynamics.

Laurie Owen-Home Instead: I’d suggest two things. First, consider checking out the 50/50 program from Home Instead on Sibling Communication.

Kelsey - Home Instead: http://www.caregiverstress.com/family-communication/solving-family-conflict/

Laurie Owen-Home Instead: These issues cause a lot of stress and can cause real rifts in families. Taking the time to approach these sensitive conversations carefully is really worth it.

Laurie Owen-Home Instead: The second thing I would suggest is sharing with them some resources with them on Alzheimer’s. A good starting point is our “Answers to the 15 Most Common Questions” guide, which can be found at: https://www.helpforalzheimersfamilies.com/alzheimers-dementia/guide/

Cat K. - Home Instead: Thanks, Laurie!

Cat K. - Home Instead: We have a question from Dawn that we have seen submitted several times from others.

Laurie Owen-Home Instead: Dawn,
That sounds like a difficult situation. There are great resources for family members of people with Alzheimer’s disease - Helpforalzheimersfamilies.com
And caregiverstress.com.

Cat K. - Home Instead: Here's a tip from a guest:

Cat K. - Home Instead: We have time for one more question.

Cat K. - Home Instead: Marylou emailed us earlier:

Cat K. - Home Instead: My husband has Alzheimer’s. It’s getting to the point where he doesn’t remember where he’s at. How do I answer him?

Laurie Owen-Home Instead: Marylou, as your husband enters this stage of Alzheimer’s, it is certainly difficult to adapt to answering questions like that.

Laurie Owen-Home Instead: Explain patiently to him where he is, and make sure he knows he is safe and in a place of love. At home, consider keeping some trinkets or physical objects that you know he recognizes, that you can point to and reference to help him feel grounded.

Cat K. - Home Instead: Thank you so much for your time today, Laurie! And thank all of you for your tips and questions.

Cat K. - Home Instead: We’d like to share a few resources with you , in case your question did not get answered today.

Cat K. - Home Instead: 1) Explore for other Alzheimer’s caregiver training opportunities, such as in-person workshops, our caregiver e-learning course, training videos, and more.

Kelsey - Home Instead: https://www.helpforalzheimersfamilies.com/training

Kelsey - Home Instead: 2) If you haven’t yet liked our “Remember for Alzheimer’s” page on Facebook, we encourage you to become a member of this vibrant support community. Go here and click the “Like Page” button:

Kelsey - Home Instead: https://www.facebook.com/RememberForAlzheimers

Kelsey - Home Instead: 3) If you’d like to watch the video we showed at the beginning again, you can view it on the “HelpForAlzheimers” YouTube channel here:

Kelsey - Home Instead: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3SfYU4k5kK4

Kelsey - Home Instead: Everyone who attended will receive a link to the transcript of today’s chat by email.

Cat K. - Home Instead: Please join us for our next live chat on November 30, 2012 at 4pm EST on the topic of “Dealing with Difficult Behaviors” with Alzheimer’s expert Dr. Amy D’Aprix.

Kelsey - Home Instead: Go here to register for more live chats: http://bit.ly/LiveChatListing